Tonight I logged onto my blog to check out my stats. I wanted to know exactly how many of you faithful readers are really out there. In the process however, I became distracted by scrolling through and reading bits of old blog posts. It wasn’t until I came across “This proves you never quite know where you’ll be in just one year,” from November of 2011 that I really felt the urge to write about what I had been reading.
I started this blog in March, 2010 and didn’t really start writing regularly until June of the same year. At that time the blog was really just a place for me to write whatever was on my mind. This was a transitional period in my life, I had just finished school, ended a serious relationship, and just began working full time in the journalism world. A few months later, I moved to Alberta and I bravely put my blog out there for all of my friends and family to read. It was the simplest way to share some of the stories we would have otherwise shared over coffee.
However, in scrolling through the old posts, I realized this space had been so much more than a place to share fun life stories. It was a place for me to reflect and challenge anyone who took the time to read the post. And for that reason, I am going to divulge in a bit of reflection.
A little under nine months have gone by since my last post and now that things have calmed down a little I hope to get back to completing some semi-regular blog posts. I guess for this post I’ll catch you up on the whirlwind the last nine months have been for me.
In May of 2012 I was able to make a quick trip home to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my Grandparents on my mom’s side. This was such a blessing. Not only were my grandparents celebrating 50 years of God’s faithful provisions in their lives, they were doing it in a year when their two oldest granddaughters would also say “I do” and begin their own marriages. The party was perfect and I can’t say thank you enough to the people who made it possible for me to be there.
My beautiful niece Victoria
During that same weekend I got to meet my first niece. She captured my heart immediately, not that this was anything special. Victoria May-Lynn Feddema was the most precious baby I had ever set my eyes on and I could wait to start bragging about her – as you can see from this picture taken during the surprise bridal shower my mom and sisters planned for me. Needless to say it was very busy four days spent with lots of family. I don’t think I have ever been so aware of all the love that I am surrounded by as I was throughout the course of those four days.
In May the newspaper also hired a new employee. I’d like to say all kinds of nice things about this new hire but he only worked for the paper for a mere month and a half before leaving. Much lying and deception was involved so I’ll stick by the saying “If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
In June I visited Ashley in Bonneyville. It was nice to drive through a different part of northern Alberta and see more of the province. I arrived late at night and after catching up, massages (of course) and saying goodnight, we fell asleep only to awake early the next morning to head out on a shopping trip to Edmonton. Much was accomplished including finding shoes for my bridesmaids as well as myself (two pairs in fact because I couldn’t choose and if you think that’s bad, on the day of the wedding I actually had three to choose from), we also ordered Ashley’s bridesmaid dress and purchased a ton of candy for the wedding. It was so great to do a little wedding prep in Alberta with one of my bridesmaids.
July was fairly slow so I’ll skip to August. In August I once again flew home to celebrate alongside my sister Lyndsay and her new husband Erik who were married on August 18. We couldn’t have asked for better weather, the ceremony was beautiful, the reception was beautiful, Lynds was beautiful. The whole thing was beautiful.
I think that’s all the catch up I have time for now…but part two including wedding, honeymoon and christmas will be soon to come!
In the last couple of days I have come to realize clearer than ever before the difference between giving God total control over my life and just thinking that I’ve given God control over my life.
Last May I thought I was letting God guide my steps, now I know I was just fearful of where God was taking me. I’ve recently started reading through a devotional on the book of Joshua about living fearlessly. I’ve made it through four lessons, the last of which was how to be a fearless example to your family, or in my case, my future family.
I made a tough decision this week to put to rest my Albertan romance. I had known deep in my heart that it wasn’t where God wanted me to be, but my head and the top layers of my heart weren’t willing to listen. All I have to say now is that when you choose not to follow God’s plans in the first place, it feels like He’s sucker punching you when you finally choose His path. Not only do you often have to make a tough decision, you also know that God was right all along and you could have saved yourself (and other people) a lot of heart ache in the process.
So what’s in store for my future? I have no idea, except that I feel God calling me to be single for a little while. One of my closest friends told me I won’t find real happiness until I’m completely happy with myself, and I know that to be true. My editor told me that in order for him to quit being a man whore (his words, not mine) he made an intentional decision to be single for more than one year. He told me that in order to quit my man-eating ways (again, his words, not mine – although I’m not sure it’s not totally inaccurate) being single wasn’t a bad idea.
So here’s to being single. Something I have not done for more than seven months since I was 15. On a side note, I’m putting out applications for close friends in the Grimshaw area. Apparently these are hard to find and if I’m going to be single, I’m going to need some way to occupy more of my time!
Another note on the future, my editor asked me what my plans were regarding the Mile Zero News. Typically because of the remote northern Alberta location, reporters don’t stay more than a year. Our ad manager was visibly upset while we were discussing the possibility of me moving on in September, and then visibly relieved when I said I wasn’t going anywhere in September and that the earliest I would be leaving Grimshaw is a year from now (baring no unforeseen change of plans by God). She gave a big sigh of relief and then went back to her own work.
I am so blessed to work with the people I do. Work is full of laughs and I know if I really needed someone, I could ask any one of the three people I work with. My editor wanted to know if I would stay longer than another year if he moved on and I was offered his job. He said he never felt comfortable leaving before because he wanted to make sure there was someone in place that he knew would be capable of editing both papers. He said if I agreed to stay, that would make him feel much better.
In keeping with my decision to live life by the hand of God, I told Jason we would tackle that when it happened. But that yes, if things worked out, I would likely stay to take his spot…not forever (breathe mom), but at least for another year.
With a quiet (but beautiful) weekend on the horizon, I foresee a few more blog posts in the near future. So for those of you upset at me for taking so long to post this one, relief is on it’s way.
Now it’s time for a delicious green tea and a corny, but delightful chick flick.
My wonderful parentsEmotions ran high this weekend as I helped my parents prepare for and then celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. Then I helped my very soon-to-be sister-in-law with wedding preps. Finally I put to rest a relationship where God had pulled two people in two different directions but allowed them to continue loving each other. Oh, wait that was not my finally. My car also decided it wanted a new battery – at probably the most inopportune time. But then again there is a lesson in everything and perhaps God wanted to tell me that things would be ok. To enjoy life’s small gifts, even if the packages they come in are incredibly unexpected.
I have spent a lot of the last 24-hours crying, sobbing in fact. Completely ridden with true sorrow. Saying goodbye to a man who told you that you were beautiful on the day you ended a relationship is hard. Saying goodbye to a man who you care very deeply for is hard. Saying goodbye to man you have a deeply rooted mutual respect for doesn’t make sense. But I’ve accepted that God has a very active sense of humour and he’s trying to make me laugh.
Today I bought five new Christian CDs to listen to in the car on the way to and back from Chatham everyday. I’ve decided I’m going to cut out secular music until I don’t feel like my eyes will spring a leak at the drop of a dime. So far, it’s been incredibly healing. My spirits have already lifted and after my run tonight, I did some Pilates outside and ended the workout in prayer. As per usual, I began rambling, telling God how confused I was when I felt as if someone had come up behind me and was holding me in the warmest hug I’ve experienced in a long time. Then God whispered “shh, just let me hold you.”
I don’t hear God’s voice often but every time I do it’s beyond words. All I know is that I will be ok. God has me in his arms and that is exactly where I am going to stay.
My heart is healing, I can feel a sense of peace wash over me. I know that God has huge plans for me. I love you Lord.
Our Family Chatter 