A little life update

Ezra and I are in Edmonton, and despite knowing we have a very early morning, I am not able to sleep just yet. So, why not write a little summer-time update.

The boys finished the school year at the end of June. Earlier that month Ezra and Elijah both earned their yellow belts in Taekwondo. They both then enjoyed a short Spring baseball season and another round of swimming lessons. This made for a very crazy couple of weeks at the end of June. I am not sure that I have quite recovered.

Elliott completed his first year of playschool and is excited to go back again in the Fall. Both Elijah and Ezra earned the fine arts award for their Grade level at the end of school awards ceremony. Ezra also earned an academic achievement award.

Cody and I were so proud of both boys, but it’s worth noting that our Leukaemia warrior, who did not attend Kindergarten, who did not quite know all of his letter sounds ahead of the first day of Grade 1, who missed almost 40 days of school, achieved academic excellence. This kid is amazing.

The summer, so far, has been full of slower days, lots of outside play when the air isn’t too smoky, so many crafts, some reading, and recently a whole lot of Monopoly.

Most of you won’t know that Cody loves Monopoly. In fact, we own six (or seven?) versions of the game. And he has three (or four?) more versions on his wish list. Monopoly isn’t a great two-player game, so unfortunately most of these Monopoly games have sat unused in our games chest, until last week. Since then, Cody has played several rounds of Monopoly with Ezra and Elijah – and they love it. Elliott has even gotten in on the fun a few times.

Elijah always seems to lose, whether that’s bad luck or much too risky game play, I am not sure. Luckily, he’s been a fairly good sport about that and continues to have fun playing the game.

Tonight Ezra and I are in Edmonton in preparation for his second-last lumbar puncture appointment, ever! That’s right, 19 down, just two more to go! He is also quickly approaching the second anniversary of his diagnosis.

More and more I find myself so grateful for this life we are living. Ezra is doing so well, all things considered. We are six months away from end of treatment. But even now, life feels normal.

Our family has recently started going back to church in person. We stopped attending in person when COVID closed the world down. Then as the world opened back up, Ezra got sick and we went back into isolation to help protect him. Then Ezra got a bit stronger but still struggled with every little bug and virus he was exposed to at school, so we chose to continue to minimize our contact with large crowds. Then, it just became too easy not the attend.

Cody and I knew we had to stop giving into the easy and get our family back into a church. It’s amazing how you don’t realize how much you missed something, or need something, until you get it back. That first Sunday we went back, I have never felt more at home. It was as if God Himself was welcoming me back into His house. Families belong in church, and I am so glad we are getting ours back into it.

What’s more, is that every single week I am reminded that we are where we are because of God. Was the beginning of this journey incredibly hard? Yes. Beyond hard. But despite all of the trials, our family has made it through, almost to the other side, completely intact – and maybe even stronger than we were before.

God is so faithful.

A song that is a ministry to my heart recently is “Faithful Still” by KingsPorch. I will attach a video of the song below. I don’t have all the right words yet, but I do know that God was faithful to our family during these last two years. And he remains faithful still. Being able to see his faithfulness – even when things seem bleak – has always been what has carried us through and what I know will continue to carry us through whatever may still come our way.

After all, “I have a hope, I have a future. I’m a child of the mountain mover.”

A little reflection is a good thing from time to time

Tonight I logged onto my blog to check out my stats. I wanted to know exactly how many of you faithful readers are really out there. In the process however, I became distracted by scrolling through and reading bits of old blog posts. It wasn’t until I came across “This proves you never quite know where you’ll be in just one year,” from November of 2011 that I really felt the urge to write about what I had been reading.

I started this blog in March, 2010 and didn’t really start writing regularly until June of the same year. At that time the blog was really just a place for me to write whatever was on my mind. This was a transitional period in my life, I had just finished school, ended a serious relationship, and just began working full time in the journalism world. A few months later, I moved to Alberta and I bravely put my blog out there for all of my friends and family to read. It was the simplest way to share some of the stories we would have otherwise shared over coffee.

However, in scrolling through the old posts, I realized this space had been so much more than a place to share fun life stories. It was a place for me to reflect and challenge anyone who took the time to read the post. And for that reason, I am going to divulge in a bit of reflection.

Life is busy, but I’m making it through

Last week was utter chaos. My editor was in Jasper for a library board conference, our office receptionist was unable to come to work and our ad manager was on vacation until Wednesday. What did that mean? I, the reporter, was responsible for completing all the office functions on my own on Tuesday.

Then for the rest of the week, make sure I have enough copy to fill a 12 page paper on my own. Talk about stress. I was exhausted most evenings and now have an even greater appreciation for Ashley Foley, who works that hard every week. granted her papers are 8 pages instead of 12-16 but she is all on her own, all the time.

On Friday evening I attended a PRSD awards gala and was seated at the front with the other Peace River media. Despite being absolutely drained, and my only interview decided not to show up, it was a good night spent with like-minded (in terms of career) people.

On Tuesday I had experienced a new first. My first-ever campfire in April, while there was still snow on the ground. I’ve finally become involved with the College and Careers group at my church and I can honestly say I’m not say I’m not sure why I didn’t get involved earlier. They’re great (and most of them now have access to my Facebook page and thus have access to my blog, I guess I should say some nice things, right?) Anyways, the fire was great and I’m looking forward to spending a lot more time fire side as the weather continues to become more gorgeous.

Then, on Saturday evening we all met for College and Careers and learned about the church. It was a great reminder of what exactly the church is and what it’s not. I love being challenged in my faith and reminded why I fell in love with God in the first place.

I’m about one month into my year of singledom and am definitely seeing the benefits. The unfortunate realization that I’ve had most recently is that Kristin out of a relationship is dedicated to seeking God. Kristin in a relationship is dedicated to the relationship, which is most unfortunate when it comes to my relationship with God. These are all things that I love to learn and realize for myself (even if they’re things my family and friends have noticed and may or may not have told me in the past). Most of all I’m just enjoying developing this relationship with God that is more real and more intimate and more vulnerable than it’s ever been. I can honestly say that God is good.

I wish there was a guidebook for the future

From here on out, it's all you God.

In the last couple of days I have come to realize clearer than ever before the difference between giving God total control over my life and just thinking that I’ve given God control over my life.

Last May I thought I was letting God guide my steps, now I know I was just fearful of where God was taking me. I’ve recently started reading through a devotional on the book of Joshua about living fearlessly. I’ve made it through four lessons, the last of which was how to be a fearless example to your family, or in my case, my future family.

I made a tough decision this week to put to rest my Albertan romance. I had known deep in my heart that it wasn’t where God wanted me to be, but my head and the top layers of my heart weren’t willing to listen. All I have to say now is that when you choose not to follow God’s plans in the first place, it feels like He’s sucker punching you when you finally choose His path. Not only do you often have to make a tough decision, you also know that God was right all along and you could have saved yourself (and other people) a lot of heart ache in the process.

So what’s in store for my future? I have no idea, except that I feel God calling me to be single for a little while. One of my closest friends told me I won’t find real happiness until I’m completely happy with myself, and I know that to be true. My editor told me that in order for him to quit being a man whore (his words, not mine) he made an intentional decision to be single for more than one year. He told me that in order to quit my man-eating ways (again, his words, not mine – although I’m not sure it’s not totally inaccurate) being single wasn’t a bad idea.

So here’s to being single. Something I have not done for more than seven months since I was 15. On a side note, I’m putting out applications for close friends in the Grimshaw area. Apparently these  are hard to find and if I’m going to be single, I’m going to need some way to occupy more of my time!

Another note on the future, my editor asked me what my plans were regarding the Mile Zero News. Typically because of the remote northern Alberta location, reporters don’t stay more than a year. Our ad manager was visibly upset while we were discussing the possibility of me moving on in September, and then visibly relieved when I said I wasn’t going anywhere in September and that the earliest I would be leaving Grimshaw is a year from now (baring no unforeseen change of plans by God). She gave a big sigh of relief and then went back to her own work.

I am so blessed to work with the people I do. Work is full of laughs and I know if I really needed someone, I could ask any one of the three people I work with. My editor wanted to know if I would stay longer than another year if he moved on and I was offered his job. He said he never felt comfortable leaving before because he wanted to make sure there was someone in place that he knew would be capable of editing both papers. He said if I agreed to stay, that would make him feel much better.

In keeping with my decision to live life by the hand of God, I told Jason we would tackle that when it happened. But that yes, if things worked out, I would likely stay to take his spot…not forever (breathe mom), but at least for another year.

With a quiet (but beautiful) weekend on the horizon, I foresee a few more blog posts in the near future. So for those of you upset at me for taking so long to post this one, relief is on it’s way.

Now it’s time for a delicious green tea and a corny, but delightful chick flick.

God is most definitely in Grimshaw

I woke up this morning absolutely delighted to see that once again I was about to enjoy above freezing temperatures in my northern hideaway. I was also excited to attend church, the Mile Zero Evangelical Fellowship (soon to be Gateway Ministries, or something along those lines).

When I first moved to Grimshaw I avoided this  church like the plague. I had a negative encounter with one of their pastors at the elementary school and was convinced they were another super pushy evangelical church with no heart.

I was wrong, very wrong.

I’ve attended this church almost every Sunday since January and every stinkin’ time they make me cry. It wasn’t until today that I honestly couldn’t hold back my tears. These aren’t sad tears, they’re happy tears signifying life and joy. I know now more than ever that for the past year or so I’ve been mostly spiritually dead. I always knew that Christ and the church wasn’t something I ever wanted to give up, but I didn’t feel anything. No passion to get involved, no passion to do more. All I wanted to do was attend on Sunday, be a wall flower and leave again once the benediction had been presented.

Last week I had a tough conversation with Chad in which I realized “Who am I?” I told him I never wanted to be a wall flower and then almost immediately realized that is exactly what I had become.

Another conversation with Elise about struggles not uncommon to Christians our age made me think about why I didn’t want to face those struggles head on. Why was I ok with living in a way that was not God honouring? All the while telling Chad about the beautiful provisions of God’s love – something I perhaps was not believing wholeheartedly for my own life.

Today the pastor preached on Number 21:4 – 9. I don’t know about most of you, but I did not remember reading this passage and my mouth almost hit the floor at verse six.

“Then the people of Israel set out from Mount Hor, taking the road to the Red Sea to go around the land of Edom. But the people grew impatient with the long journey, and they began to speak against God and Moses. ‘Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here in the wilderness?’ they complained. ‘There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna!’

“So the Lord sent poisonous snakes among the people and many were bitten and died.”

Wow. God certainly doesn’t mess around with punishment when his people are being ungrateful and giving in to the desires of the flesh. Last week I heard about Noah and how God was upset with humanity as a whole, and 120 years after commissioning Noah to build the ark, he wiped out everyone – started fresh.

The service was certainly powerful today. I know God wants me to die to my old self, lay down my hurts, give up my past and trust him to move me into a prosperous future. And I think  my first step in trusting God and going along with his plan is heading back to the church at 6 a.m. tomorrow for a prayer meeting.  Yup, they meet 6 a.m. on Monday mornings. Talk about brutal – but who ever said Christianity was convenient?

“Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalm 37:4