How allergies have affected my personal parenting style

Parents, do you ever get the feeling that you are becoming exactly the type of parent you swore you would never be?

Whether it be a helicopter parent, a parent who yells more than she’d like, a parent who loves the digital babysitter – or even a parent who can classify himself as all three – do you ever feel like these are the things you were trying so desperately to avoid?

For me, it’s the helicopter parent scenario. While I don’t think most people would consider me overly protective and afraid to let my boys try new things, there’s a few people who I am sure cringe when they see me coming.

Allergy induced anxiety

My oldest son has an allergy to peanuts and dairy, another allergy to cats and dogs (and possibly bunnies and all other furry animals), as well as super sensitive skin, eczema, and asthma. While I am fairly relaxed about all these things in our own home because we have just learned how to live our lives in a way that keeps him safe and comfortable, I am quickly learning that I take that level of safety and security for granted.

The second Elijah steps out our door I have no control over the things he is exposed to, and try as I might to explain all the things that might cause a significant threat to his health, there’s just too many for a quick two minute conversation. I’ve thought about making laminated flash cards, but by the time I was done providing answers to all the frequently asked questions I would have a pile two-inches high. When he was two, I did put stickers on his front, back and arms at a large extended-family function that said “Please don’t feed me. I have allergies.” That seemed to work, but I doubt when he’s six he’ll want to wear those stickers.

Thankfully, as he has grown older he has also gained a better understanding about the things that may hurt him, or make him sick. He’s very quick lately to tell me “Cheese is yucky, I’m allergic to cheese,” and “Ezra (his younger brother) drinks cow’s milk, but cow’s milk makes me sick.” However, he has also told me, “Peanut butter is yummy, I love peanut butter.” He’s talking about soy butter of course, which is what we serve at home and what everyone is served at daycare. Soy butter and peanut butter look a lot alike, however, which is why I think perhaps some of his daycare friends call it peanut butter and where Elijah also learned to call it peanut butter.

This is terrifying. We have worked very hard to correct him because if he were to go somewhere and an individual heard Elijah say he liked peanut butter, why would they question whether or not he could have some.

Things we didn’t know, and maybe you don’t either

The soy butter confusion aside, Elijah remains pretty good about telling you if he doesn’t feel quite right, but he can’t always reliably tell you exactly why he doesn’t feel good. So, if you don’t have a child with asthma, you won’t know that after Elijah and your child have stopped playing wildly like a bunch of sugar-crazed monkeys and they are sitting down to have a snack or colour a picture – he may start to cough, and he won’t stop quickly. He’ll cough, and cough, and cough. You’ll give him a glass of water, but it won’t help much.

That’s asthma. That’s his body’s way of trying to recover from the fast-paced activity he just participated in. He requires a puffer to help slow the coughing and should be monitored until the coughing stops.

Or, if you have pets in your house and Elijah comes over, within an hour or so his nose will turn into a tap that has been left on. It doesn’t matter if the pets are currently outside or if you vacuumed that morning. Did you wash your couch cushions, throw pillows and blankets? Did you wipe down your floors, baseboards and walls? What about your stove and refrigerator, did you pull them away from the wall and vacuum up the hair that might have found its way under there? Of course not, and I wouldn’t have expected you to prior to our visit either.

We give Elijah allergy medication whenever we go to a friend’s place if we know they have pets – which for us, is just about everyone. We don’t know very many people who aren’t pet-lovers, ourselves included. We own a lab-shepherd mix named Olive. Olive was part of our family prior to Elijah’s arrival and she used to come inside during the more inclement weather. Unfortunately she now has to live outside, year-round. Whether it’s plus 30 or minus 30, Olive needs to live outside.

Accidents happen

Elijah’s skin is very sensitive to fragrances and different soaps. Once, his daycare class made slime. This activity was a huge hit with the kids, I was told, and because of wheat allergies (other children – thankfully that is one thing we don’t struggle with) the kids can’t play with home-made play dough. So, slime is an appropriate alternate sensory activity.

We picked Elijah up after the day of slime and noticed three very distinct stripes on his face. Through several conversations with the daycare administrator and the two teachers in his room we discovered that laundry detergent had been included in the slime recipe.

As soon as I learned this, the lights came one and I was nearly certain I understood where the marks on my son’s face had come from. From birth we have had to use a gentle, hypo-allergenic laundry detergent on Elijah’s clothes. When we tried a lightly scented version he broke out in a rash from the neckline of his t-shirt to his toes. So, if he had direct exposure with a regular laundry detergent, his reaction would definitely be worse. And it was.

This is what his face looked like when he got home. By the next morning it was more purple-red with a small blister.

Elijah suffered what appeared to be three very mild chemical burns on his face caused when he wiped his own fingers across his face after, or while, playing with the slime. Because Elijah also has eczema that is worsened by the dry winter air, his skin was already dry and cracked, further increasing the exposure to the laundry detergent chemicals.

So, as you can see Elijah is a bit of an accident waiting to happen. I doubt anyone we know or trust would intentionally hurt Elijah, but it is quite possible they wouldn’t know what to do if he was having an allergic reaction or asthma attack.

Have any advice?

Any of you seasoned allergy or asthma parents out there, feel free to provide me with some feedback about how to cope with my son’s medical concerns when he’s in school. Thankfully he has one more year before Kindergarten, which means he will be at home or at daycare with providers we have worked with over the last nine months on allergy and asthma awareness. I can’t help but dread Kindergarten when we’ll have to do this again with a whole new set of teachers and administrators.

Currently, he’s enjoying a week of Vacation Bible School at our church. Most parents have no anxiety about sending their kids to VBS. I do. While I am grateful to have people at the church who know us well and love Elijah and are looking out for him, it’s hard for me to trust that he’ll be okay. It’s also hard for me to not feel bad about the fact that my son is eating plain crackers while the other kids are eating cheese, fruity yogurt, and cookies with icing. Elijah attending VBS was a very last minute plan, so now that I know there aren’t many safe options for him, for the rest of the week I will be packing him his own safe snack.

We do this frequently. If we whip out our own cupcake at your child’s birthday party please don’t think we are snubbing your food. We only wanted Elijah to be able to enjoy a piece of cake along with his friends without limiting what kind of birthday treats can be served. This way if your child’s favourite birthday treat is ice cream cake, have the ice cream cake. Elijah will always have his own safe option.

Elijah was super pumped about his dairy-free dinosaur cake

There’s just so much people don’t understand about allergies – and why would they if they haven’t been affected? I certainly wouldn’t have known much about a dairy allergy or a peanut allergy if Elijah hadn’t have been affected. I also didn’t know about the asthma induced coughing spells until our paediatric allergy and asthma specialist kindly smiled at me and said, “those coughing spells, that’s asthma.”

Aside from his allergies, Elijah is just like any other four-year-old kid. He loves to run and play, he enjoys puzzles and games, he’s into dinosaurs and PJ Masks presently, he pushes boundaries and refuses to eat potatoes. He also loves jumping on the trampoline, as well as helping me in the garden and when I’m baking.

What you can do

So, what can a non-allergy family do to help ease the anxiety felt by an allergy family? Ask questions, want to understand, and really listen. For example, one of the largest misconceptions about Elijah’s dairy allergy is that he is lactose intolerant. Elijah is allergic to the protein in dairy, whereas people who are lactose intolerant have trouble digesting lactose, a milk sugar. Consuming dairy does not give Elijah digestive discomfort, it causes him to vomit and break out in uncomfortable hives from head to toe. Lactose intolerance, while for sure a discomfort, is not the same as a dairy allergy.

Sometimes life throws you curve balls, and childhood allergies and asthma is certainly ours.

**This was originally published as a column in the Mile Zero-Banner Post, on June 13, 2018.**

Back to Work, one more time

You guys! Guess what?! I’m back. I’m back to work and have resumed my position as the editor of the Mile Zero News and The Banner Post with Mackenzie Report Inc.

When I went on maternity leave in April, 2016, I honestly believed I was packing up my life as a journalist into one little banker’s box forever.

But, life had other plans. And, I am back.

To answer a couple of questions everyone is curious about – yes, I am happy and managing just fine, and yes – the boys are liking being in full-time childcare.

Finding Childcare

When I got the offer to come back to newspaper, I had approximately two weeks to find childcare. Any parent who has tried to find childcare on a budget in a small town knows this is no easy feat. But, God provided and we found an awesome licensed day home provider in our hometown. After only two days of going to her house, my little Ezra sat on her front step waiting to have his shoes taken off, looked up at me, waved and said “Buh-Bye.” It was adorable, comforting, and heartbreaking all at once.

Previous to my return to the paper I had been working in a different day home setting. Despite the fact that I was there everyday, Ezra would scream to the point that he was sweating and shaking if he couldn’t be in my arms. So, it was a massive relief to see that not only was he not crying when I left him at his new day home, he seemed comfortable and happy.

Unfortunately, this wonderful day home provider had to stop providing child care at the beginning of October due to personal reasons. On the boy’s last day she said Ezra gave her several hugs and even a few kisses while she was playing on the floor with him. He is for sure my sweetheart, both boys are really if you can get Elijah to slow down for more than a second or two, but it was like he knew they had to say goodbye and that maybe she needed a few extra hugs that day.

Thankfully, God provided once again and we were able to get the boys into another licensed daycare facility immediately. The transition from day home to daycare has been a bit harder on the boys. They come home more tired, partly because they have to leave the house earlier and get home later. 

Elijah is in a room with three and four-year olds and this room does not have a nap time. He was skipping naps, or trying to, prior to starting day care. But, not having the option to nap at all is proving a bit hard on him. I am seeing a slight improvement in his ability to last all day without a nap, but it’s slow. So please pray for us, and his poor childcare providers. Elijah is just like any of us when we are over tired – a bear.

Counting my blessings and finding “me” again

I’ve been back to work full-time for just over a month and it honestly feels like I was never away. I am so appreciative of how my family has adjusted and made this transition as easy as possible. My job requires me to work two or three evenings a week and often a few hours every weekend. My husband has been so great in making sure he is home while I am out. I rarely have to worry about juggling work and life. A few people have asked me how I’m REALLY doing working full-time, caring for two busy boys, and looking after our home. And, I can honestly say, it’s all good. I’m comfortable, I’m happy, and I’m grateful for a job that allows me to be a mom and a professional.

In the months after my maternity leave I had begun to realize just how much I loved being a professional. This realization was a strange one for me. In university I can remember hearing a presentation from a professional journalist who told us to throw out any idea of having a family. She flat our said families and journalism don’t mix. And, I believed her. That presentation even caused a small crisis of identity where I reconsidered becoming a journalist at all.

After a little more than seven  years in Grimshaw, I am happy to report that families and journalism can mix. I recognize that that’s not always true for some people and certainly with some companies. But, not for me and not in the company I work for. I am constantly reminded of how fortunate I am to be employed by an individual who does put families first. I don’t have to sweat about taking Ezra for immunizations during the day. Nor do I have to worry about staying home for an afternoon if Elijah is sick.

I’ve even been able to take my kids to work with me. This has resulted in a few of the most adorable photos.I’ll still be posting about the projects we complete around the house (I have a coat rack/shelf and sofa table completed and ready to tell you all about), but I also anticipate that I’ll be back to sharing more about our lives in Grimshaw now that I’m back, I’m really, really back.

DIY Corner Desk

Until recently, our computer was located in a room in our basement, safe from little fingers. While this was a good plan in theory, it didn’t make writing blog posts very easy.  Space is limited in our house, so in order to move the computer to the main floor where I would be more likely to use it we need a small corner desk. I was unhappy with any of the options I found online and shopping locally for furniture is pretty difficult because of our northern location. So what other choice did I have? Pinterest of course.

I searched high and low for corner desk ideas and tutorials and eventually found two separate ideas that I knew we could pull ideas from in order to create the perfect desk.

Cody said he already had a large piece of wood perfect for the top of the desk, all we needed were legs. Ideally, I would have liked to find legs from an old desk, making this project super inexpensive, but again, our location doesn’t provide for a ton of thrift store furniture finds. 

So, we purchased three wooden legs from Home Depot for approximately $15 a piece, making them the most expensive part of the project. But they’re perfect and beautiful so I am okay with that. 

Once it was all done I used some Minwax stain that we already had from another project and some white paint we also had in our basement. I then purchased and applied a Minwax polycrylic protective finish to the corner desk.

I’d love to give you a very detailed tutorial on how to make your own corner desk, but Cody really did most of this one. We were careful to take pictures along the way so you can get a feel for how we did it. Basically we measured the space we had and built our desk to those specifications. 

Here is the pictorial:

Measure and cut your board for the top of your corner desk. As you can see ours was not quite deep enough, so it was done in two pieces

Measure and cut the wood that will serve as the skirting for your desk.

Place the table legs where you would like them to go and fit the pieces of wood around them. Remember, measure twice, cut once 🙂

Using wood glue, attached the skirting to the legs and to the other pieces of skirting.

Using wood glue, attached the skirting to the legs and to the other pieces of skirting.

Nail your skirting to your legs.

Sand any piece that requires it to ensure the perfect fit.

Measure and cut pieces to brace and support the corner desk.

Glue the top of the corner desk to the legs and skirting. Allow to dry for 24 hours.

Add some brackets on the bottom of the corner desk for support.

Now it’s time to paint/stain to your liking! We chose to stain the top a dark colour and paint the bottom white.

The finished product. It’s love.

Pink Rice Krispie Treats

I made a rookie parent mistake. Cody brought home marshmallows for Rice Krispies treats and I left said marshmallows on the counter.

Big mistake.

How we kicked the soother habit

Anyone else have a two and a half year old in love with his soother (sous, pacifier, su-su)?

From day one of Elijah’s little life our MAM pacifiers were a sanity-saver. He and I struggled to get a good thing going when it came to breastfeeding but he seemed to  want to suck on something, anything really except my breast. My mom went out to Walmart and brought back some infant pacifiers. 

So Mom, Elijah’s soother addiction was your fault 🤣

I can remember going for a walk up town one day when Elijah was about two months old and having to turn around because somehow I managed to leave without grabbing the pacifier. I had hopes and dreams of running errands, enjoying the sunshine, stopping in for a visit at the office. All these hopes and dreams were crushed as soon as Elijah started crying (and boy could he cry!) and I realized I had forgotten the magic pacifier. 

I turned around and walked the seven minutes home with my screaming baby. I am sure we disturbed the whole neighbourhood. Grabbed his pacifier and realized I had lost valuable time and sanity and chose to stay home and enjoy the sunshine outside instead.

This incident (and the 100s like it) are why we had no less than six pacifiers within an arms reach at all times. They were in the diaper bag, the car and truck. Several rooms in the house. Everywhere. 

Fast forward two and half years. Many pacifiers died a sad used death, a couple got snipped by a frustrated parent *cough*wasn’t me*cough,* or lost. He had one left. 

Then, one day after being warned that his sous would disappear if he didn’t leave it in his room, Elijah was forced to say goodbye to his last pacifier. Gone. One minute he had it, the next it was in two pieces. 

I snipped it. Not in front of him, that may have traumatized him for life. But I snipped it and presented him with both halfs. The following pictures accurately describe how he accepted he news. 

I admit I did it out of frustration, but I might have never found the motivation otherwise. 

How did the first bedtime go? Flawlessly. As did every nap and bedtime after that. He has asked for his sous at bedtime a handful of times but after being reminded that it’s gone, he moves on.

So how did we kick the soother habit? Cold turkey. And it worked. 

I hope we’ve inspired you who are trying to figure out how to muster up the courage to kill the soother. There is no right age in my mind, do it when you feel ready. Good news is that if snipping your toddlers soother is a terrible mistake – every Walmart, grocery store and Shoppers has replacements 😄

Next on the toddler to do list: Potty training. 

Colourful rice bin sensory play activity

The cold weather (and the cold weather colds) have set in, which means our opportunities to burn off toddler energy outside are getting more difficult.

Elijah gets whiney when he is bored so this morning I decided to put aside my thoughts about the mess it would create, and make him a sensory rice bin. 

Parenting + Coffee = Success

My five month old has decided that being awake for two hours between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. is a good plan. Meanwhile, my two year old is ready to conquer Mount Everest at 6:45 a.m.

What does this mean for me?

Coffee. Lots of delicious coffee. 

Parades, pools and trampolines

Today was an excellent day. Being Canada Day, that meant Cody was home with us all day and with nothing but attending the Grimshaw parade on the schedule we had lots of fun family time. 

The morning started with a Bikini Body Mommy workout outside with Elijah followed by some trampoline time. While I was nervous at first because of a previous injury caused by a trampoline, it turns out this was by far the best purchase we have made for Elijah. It helps him to burn off energy and I’ve noticed a significant decrease in the amount of whining that happens throughout the day. 

After a shower we headed towards Main Street Grimshaw for the parade. The boys were so excited…

Ezra woke up on his own just before the parade started but we had to wake up Elijah. We were several floats and a freezee in before he really woke up and started to enjoy it. 

After the parade we attempted lunch and nap time but because of his pre-parade nap, we were unsuccessful. So we packed the boys in the truck and headed to the pool in Fairview. 

It wasn’t busy and was an excellent way to spend a bit of time in the afternoon. This was Ezra’s first time in a pool and he didn’t seem to mind. Elijah is a fish and loves any time we take him swimming. 

We arrived home and after a dinner of pea soup and biscuits (delicious!), Cody headed outside to the trampoline with Elijah. Our hopes are that he will sleep extra well tonight!  

In the first photo Elijah is preoccupied with a moth on the netting. He loves bugs but is terrified they are all going to bite him, which means he is always looking for them but as soon as he finds one mommy and daddy must get it “dead.”

The next couple of photos are of Elijah and Cody playing airplane and rocket ships. I promise the rocket ship turned out well despite how scary it looks. Dads play way too hard!

Today was an excellent day. 

Toddler tornadoes

I like a clean house. 

There is something relaxing about sitting down after my toddler tornado has gone to bed and seeing everything in its place. 

Many of you are going to roll your eyes at me and dismiss me as a crazy woman, but I don’t care. Memes like the ones below aren’t hard to find and seem to be the popular opinion. While they are 100 per cent true and I laugh at how true each one really is, I also know keeping a somewhat tidy home is a possibility for me as well.

Having a toddler tornado is messy but if you can ignore the mess until he’s sleeping, a toddler tornado can also be a ton of fun. In the photos below I had just finished my daily workout and my tornado had gotten into a variety of things while I was kicking my butt and working up a sweat. The first photo was markers, that ended up on my face and shoes and the second photo was play-dough, small bits of it I am still finding around the house. 

What’s fun about these situations is watching my little tornado discover things and be creative through mess. I have learned that creativity and learning isn’t something you can box up and keep all neat and tidy, which means messes happen. 

But messes can also be tidied, opening the door to more options for creative play. I have noticed that when the tornado’s toys have been put away and organized he has an easier time choosing something new than when they are strewn all over the house. Maybe it’s just because he’s looking forward to making a huge mess again, but I like to think it’s because he’s been given a clean slate.

So for most of the day my house does look like a tornado hit it. In addition to the toys and lately, blankets, all over the house, the dishes are rarely done until after supper and my bathroom is not cleaned as frequently as it probably should be (Don’t worry guests, it’s always cleaned right before you come!).

But after my toddler tornado goes to bed and my chubby infant (16 lbs at 2 months – chubby may be an understaitment) is happy enough to be put down, I start tidying. Sometimes it’s overwhelming because the tornado has hit every room in the house but once I get started in never takes more than 20 minutes to tidy things and put things back in their places. 

I will not feel guilty for liking a clean home. There’s already so much moms start feeling guilty about and this will not be one of those things for me. So if you, like me, enjoy the serenity of a tidy home – go ahead, take some time to make cleaning a priority. Do what makes you feel sane. For me, it’s toys in their baskets and a hot coffee in my hand. 

My goodbye to the newspaper readers

On Monday I finished my time as the editor at the Mile Zero News and The Banner Post. It was a day of mixed emotions. At first I felt anxious while driving in for what I knew was my last day in a long time.