One of the hardest parts for me, as a mother, in all of this is not being able to be in more than one place at one time.
I also distinctly remember telling my boys that when they were all asking me for different things around the house pre-cancer diagnosis, but it’s taken on a whole new meaning now.
I legitimately will not see my house until maybe middle of September. I left it on August 6.
Until this weekend I also worried about when I would be able to physically be with Elijah and Elliott. Their lives have been turned upside down too, and they have even fewer choices than Ezra does.
When my friend Ashley suggested over the phone that she was willing to come and get the other boys and fly them to Ontario, I laughed and was so touched. You see, Ashley is a nervous flyer, and to fly to Edmonton and back again with two children that were not her own would take a great deal of bravery.
A little while later that same morning, when speaking with my mom, she had the same idea. She suggested that she and my dad could fly to Edmonton and take the other two boys back to her house for a couple of weeks of fun with their Ontario cousins and friends.
Cody got on board with the plan, and flights were booked. My parents arrived in Edmonton on Wednesday, August 11 and Cody brought the other two boys from Grimshaw the next day. We all then got to meet with Ezra for a few minutes outside the hospital. It was brief but it was what everyone’s hearts needed.
Elijah looked hesitant and unsure, which was exactly what I expected from him. We had a person from the Child Life department talk with the boys to help explain what was going on inside of Ezra’s body. I wasn’t sure how much Elijah really took in until he made some comments later. The most important bit was that Ezra cannot make anyone else sick, so we don’t need to be afraid of giving him hugs or playing with him.
Elliott must have taken that to heart as he spontaneously gave Ezra no less than three or four hugs while we were all sitting there.
Mom and Dad, Elijah, Elliott and I then stayed in a hotel Thursday and Friday night before they headed back to Ontario this afternoon. We went swimming, spent some time at a park and splash pad and just generally enjoyed being together.
On the first evening in the hotel, after everyone was sleeping, Dad got up to use the washroom. I don’t remember it but I guess I sat up as he walked to the washroom and asked him if he was okay.
“You then said, ‘Oh it’s you,’ and went back to sleep,” he said.
The next time he got up, I actually followed him to the washroom, opened the door (just a little bit, no things were seen that cannot be unseen 😉) and said, “Ezra? Ezra, are you okay?”
Dad quickly confirmed he was fine and I walked back to my bed, and turned to my mom and asked her where Ezra was. Mom said she could tell I was maybe sleep walking and was afraid I was starting to panic and was going to hurt her. Good news is that whatever she said snapped me back to reality, I said Elijah and Elliott’s name and remembered that I was not in the hospital.
We all had a good laugh about this the next morning and Dad said he was sure he had been super quiet, but I guess not quite quiet enough to escape my heightened mom-hearing.
It’s also amazing how quickly a week of caring for a very sick child can train your mind.
Dad happily reported on Saturday morning that I left him alone when he used the washroom on the second night. 😆
I am now back at the hospital with Ezra and we are aiming at being discharged on Monday. Cody has gone to the condo we have been gifted the use of while we need to remain in Edmonton, to sleep and to get things ready for Ezra and I to move in.
We had hoped to go on Friday already but Ezra developed some severe pain in his jaw and throat, a known side effect from one of his chemo medications. We finally got that pain managed on Friday, and now we are working on consuming enough water and taking medications orally. Ezra gets pretty worked up when a new medication arrives in his room. I don’t blame him, there’s lots, and very few taste very good. But he’s getting braver and more accepting and we are working on routines and rhythms that help him feel in control of how he is taking his medications. He doesn’t have any control over much of what is happening to his body, so this is one way we can let him have some choice…as long as that choice gets the meds into his body, eventually.
I would specifically request that those praying would pray that Ezra conquers the anxieties he feels around taking his oral medications. There are many that he will be taking for a long time. We also request prayers that he may be more open to learning how to swallow pills, and finally that the side effects he is currently experiencing will either dissipate or remain managed.
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